Tag Archives: relationships

Life is More Fun without Expectations

Last Friday was supposed to be our grand date night. Valentine’s day plans. I was disappointed that I didn’t get the reservations that I desired for us. There was a daddy-daughter dinner that we missed out on and I was feeling upset over it. Nevertheless, Chloe is 5. She doesn’t know much about restaurants and city attractions. I was going to make something happen. Good times were ahead.

Along the way we stopped at Target for a couple of things and pair of new slippers that I told her we would shop for. I wanted to hurry. We needed to get moving. We needed a great night, I had it planned, and time was awasting. Let’s move!

3 minutes into the door Chloe yells: “Dad I want pizza!”

“No baby, we’re going to dinner. We have to get out of here.”

That wasn’t good enough. Our discussion continued for about 5 minutes until her precious eyes looked up at me and griped me with the finger that I’m wrapped on.

It hit me!

Chloe wanted fun. I wanted quantity. Spending more, doing more, exerting more effort………that would mean I accomplished something, right? Mega-wrong!!!

Bad expectations and misinformation can lead to the worst results.

So,How did we spend the night?

We sat in the café. We ate pizza, drank juice, and talked. I sat there like a fool, trying to be a dad.

I listened to my daughter. Her play dog’s name is macho, her friend at school has transferred out 😦 , we should shop for a new cereal (pops and honey nut cherios are not her favorite anymore), and we should sing more while we drive.

Simplicity can really make you smile. It’s not about how much money you have, or don’t have. It’s good to evaluate the expectations we carry around, they’re nothing but thoughts turned chains. They hold us back from enjoying the moment. What counts is being present. Present in the NOW. Not existing, but LIVING in the moment.

  • That means letting go of worry….and embracing a little uncertainty as excitement.
  • Listening rather than assuming
  • Most of all…loving! Love never allows you to waste. Love. I say again…LOVE!

The moment you are in NOW is both a present from God and a stewardship that you will never get back. Take a moment to take in everything around you and….listen! You’ll be surprised what happens.

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The Epic Guide to World-Changing Anger

Here’s some advice: if your Pastor, Minister, Bishop or other confused spiritual leader tells you to flee from anger, slap them and run! Run for your life…literally! Anger is, in a word, AWESOME!! Out of all the wondrous gifts you’ve ever enjoyed anger is the one that served you well the whole time you complained about it.

“EVERY EMOTION THAT GOD GAVE TO MAN IS RIGHT WHEN USED WITHIN THE RIGHT CONTEXT IN THE RIGHT MANNER!!!”- JAY ADAMS

Misdirected anger is missed opportunity

Regardless what has happened to you, who deserted you, what you missed out on, or who you loved…ITS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME TO BREW OVER THINGS THAT DON’T BOTHER ANYBODY BUT YOU!! For every second you waste imploding or exploding you could be making a massive improvement to your best asset…YOU! Think of anger like a check engine light on your car dashboard. Something is wrong, here is an opportunity to identify and zero in on one of your many flaws!

Make your anger a sniper rifle, not a machine gun!

One of the most epic blessings of being done wrong is that you can go out and find at least 20 unknowing bambi deers just staring in the headlights of an oncoming disappointment just begging for your wisdom! Take the lessons you gain, along with the stomach boiling emotions that go along with it, and develop your own tribe. did you get cheated on? so sorry! Why not gather some righteous indignation and pour your disappointment into developing those who would benefit from your epic stories and the wisdom you have gleaned. Get a niche going and help people. The world needs you! Don’t breed jerks who are horrified by your teary-eyed stories of one-sided hurt and why-me-isms. Be honest, you weren’t perfect. Bear your responsibility and bless the people whom God brings your way!

Anger destroys the who’s but totally obliterates the what’s.

This is the jem: ANGER WILL KEEP YOU ALIVE when life is at it’s worst! On one side of the coin, anger and frustration can cause fear, violence, homicide, and suicide.

 The right channeling of anger, rooted in a kick-butt purpose-driven identity, has given birth to great leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr.’s who was angry for a great length of time during the civil rights struggle. If you were beaten, bit by dogs, spit on, and called degrading names wouldn’t you be angry? But, look at how he used it! Brilliant!    

 Whatever is holding you back, staggering you, slowing your life’s progress, clouding your dreams, ANGER will break walls down!!!

Anger will either be an erosive ulcer agitating force within and around you , or, a massively creative and innovative energy that will manifest some of the greatest potential you’ve never dreamed the world would see coming from you!

  • Ask yourself ‘What, not who, is my character flaw?                                                                                                                                  
  •  ‘What is my most difficult memory to think about?’                                                                                                                   
  •  ”What is the one thing I would change about the world around me if I could?’

By attacking an issue, blockage, or obstacle you challenge yourself to get innovative and, most of all, productive!

Anger keeps you sharp, raises your awareness, feeds determination, and makes epic stories of world domination for your grandchildren…..

In closing I want to make a toast to you in the words of my famed hero, Edmond Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo as he toasted to his own unbeknownst son after his brush with death (an epic movie indeed!):

 

“Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man!”
Alexandre Dumas

FREE download from world renown speaker and counselor Jay Adams on How to Handle Anger

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Starting the Year With the End in Mind

Call it ‘jumping the gun‘ if you want …..it’s 2am right now on New Year’s Day (2011)….everybody’s gone….the kid is asleep…..I’d really like to have some people over and hang a little bit more but…..the  only thing on my mind right now is New Year’s Day…..2012!

While people across the world are partying, celebrating, visiting/traveling I’m too excited to do anything other than what I’m doing. I’m not ‘working‘ as if I have a deadline early Monday morning or I just trying to squeeze in a little extra  effort to close a sale next week. I’m not being a workaholic or a socially dead busybee. What I am doing right now, writing, is the best leisure I can find to do at this very moment.

Here’s a few reason’s why:

  • I love writing. It is my passion and my craft.
  • I envision great blogging influences such as Everett Bogue, Chris Guillebeau, and Adam Baker sitting at a desk somewhere with a laptop and a glass of earl grey tea some years ago just like I am now. Not for money or selfish ambition but because they love what they do and wanted to pursue it at every free moment to reach people and make a lasting impact. I believe the difference between a blogger and what Seth Godin calls a modern day tribal leader is that while a blogger blogs solely to express themselves, a tribal leader begins with a vision of breaking out of molds, embracing freedom, and leading a boatload of people along with them.

Sean’s advice: “Work now when no one else will, and live the rest of your life like no one  else can.” A secret for those who go from good to great.

I’m more excited about the end of 2011 than the beginning because frankly folks….today is fun, but tomorrow is always more exciting when you have a vision!

So here is a one-word snapshot of my agenda for the year:  INFLUENCE.

Generate INFLUENCE. Sustain INFLUENCE. Spread INFLUENCE.

How about you? What is it that you could accomplish this year that would bring tears to your eyes?

If you had an unlimited budget and a free schedule, what project would you start to change the lives of people around you and support your family at the same time?

Share your comments and let me know what the end of your year should look like……..

Don’t forget to connect with me on Twitter and Facebook

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Deadly Techniques from the School of Emotional Kung Fu!

Here I am trying to think of what to write not knowing what to write but insisting that I write……What that means to me is that I have been able to be consistent in what I set out to do. I don’t feel like writing now but I do it because I made the decision to do it in the past. This is one of the secret Shaolin fighting monk techniques of mastering your own life….a.k.a. how I started to take responsibility for my own life!

Three years ago……(really cool scooby doo flashback music playing)

I was fresh into a divorce and enrolled in counseling for the worst depression I have ever experienced. I had taken a leave of absence from ministry (I am a Minister. Don’t get all weird on me!). I was maintaining but not sustaining anything. It was hard to get out of bed in the morning. I would wake up around 6am and just lay there until 8 or 9. No tv or music. Just lying there I’d cry, look up, try to fall back asleep, sometimes smoke a cigarette….anything to escape or deny my reality. My life wasn’t my life, it was an auto-piloted chamber of torment…on two legs!

My Choices: Escape, Evade, or Explode!

One lesson I learned about mental and emotional isolation….it’s lonely. When you’re alone you are always outnumbered (that’s a good quote for a fb status or tweet eh!? -bowing-). My breakthrough started when I realized a profound truth after visiting a very dear friend who was in the hospital on life support. He had battled with alcoholism for most of his adult life and had seen tremendous struggle throughout his life with other issues, but despite all this he was a very good man who I respected. His family was around his bed and I heard his daughter make a remark that I will never forget. She said: “It’s his own fault, he put his self there.” And just like that, they left the room and went on with their day.

What lesson did I learn? In the face of your own personal devastation and trials people either don’t care or don’t have enough capacity to carry you along with their own problems. The majority of people are too preoccupied with their own issues to weigh in on yours.

It’s a waste of time to look for people to feel sorry for you! And guess what else? It’s a waste of time to feel sorry for yourself.

I began to take responsibility for my recovery and get awesome! It’s been a road of making decisions and managing those decisions. In time I have learned that the battle with depression, much like most inner battles, never ceases but attacks in waves. It’s like those good ol kung fu movies where waves of assassins would come and attack a master. The greater the master the more the attacks! Well I must be a Grand Master because the attacks are many and…yet…I am still standing strong! I have continually kicked the crap out of my struggles with esteem, depression, anger, and impatience by secret techniques acquired by years of awesome life design techniques I’ve picked up and committed myself to.

#1 Soul Care “You don’t have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body”- C.S. Lewis

My first step in training to become a Master began with seeing how weak and powerless I was. If your drowning in the middle of the ocean then you need to be ready to receive help…if you don’t want to die. I got counseling from Todd, a great counselor at CCEF. Life deals some devastating hits to us and the place of impact is your soul. It must be cared for and protected as you do your own eyes.  If I pluck at your eyes you instinctively guard your face, well Daniel-son you must instinctively care for your own soul!!

Make a declaration of absolute war against every impulse of the soul to be violent towards other people! That means selfishness, pride, dishonestly, falsehood, deception, manipulation, etc.

#2 Embrace Change, expect failure, calm the heck down!

Change has always been hardest for me to handle. Positive change or negative change, I’ve never liked either. I like to remain in my comfort zone. That’s not safe. Change is always going to come and life has lots of turns and bends. Guess what? Change can be very good!!   Not always, but most times breakdowns are optional! Your reaction to life events is a result of preparation and perspective.

Paralyzed by failure, or the fear thereof?

Those circumstances that paralyze you can lead to breakthroughs! John Maxwell wrote a book called Failing Forward. It’s a totally great read to change your perspective on failure! I highly recommend it.

make change a part of your regular routine.

You will fail and make mistakes, pressure will be a regular occurrence. The payout: a vaccination against future uncontrollable circumstances that would otherwise shock and intimidate you.

#3 Vision

Honestly speaking, I have days where I am too excited to stay in bed. I have plans and goals that are so big, so overwhelmingly lofty, so full of potential to break people out of their own monotonous existence that I get poised in my purpose and get moving.

You need a vision plan! (I’ll be writing more in this soon in my post on world domination n 2011. Don’t forget to subscribe)

For instance, today I am doing my annual review from Chris Guilebeau and adding some notes for 2011 Vision plan. also check out the Creating a Legacy Project

#4 Dethrone Every Freakin Person you meet

One of my biggest struggles was with making idols out of people. I picked up a copy of Ed Welch‘s book When People are Big and God is Small and I have never been the same. When we learn to see people as fallible, fallen, and fractured just like us we get empowered to love and not be leveled by our relationships. Here‘s a synopsis of the book by Justin Taylor.

#5 Theme Music

Yep! I said theme music. I have seen and experienced first hand the effect music can have on you. Music can lift your spirit, calm your soul, or heat up a steamy moment (you know what I’m talking about!). You need the right playlist to get you amped, focused, and motivated.  Check out this article on music’s effects on the brain

My motivational music is a mixture of drama, bass (Hans Zimmer rocks!), and worship

Of course this is not the exhaustive guide to conquering depression. Not even close. This is my story of a battle, a struggle, a besieging of my soul that I have fought against (was that not the best Shakespearean comment you ever heard!?). My hope is that as you read and think about what’s been said here you will get girded up with your own techniques to be a conqueror in fighting for your life…and win!

For exciting dynamite kick-butt advice read 10 Resolutions for Mental Heath here

Note/Disclaimer: If you feel depressed or think you have a mental/emotional condition I encourage you to seek counsel immediately.  Go to a doctor or find a counselor here if you are in or near Philadelphia. If you want to hurt yourself or someone else PLEASE stop and get emergency help. THE WORLD NEEDS YOU!

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5 Expensive things You Don’t Need Money to Buy, or How not to suck next year!

Ok so here is another one of those posts that you’ll breeze over in your email and think some good thoughts then move on to your next inbox message, tweet, or post…….and you will regret it!

Why? Not only have I listed 5 awesome smack-happy gifts that you can give yourself  that are guaranteed to keep on giving but if you really pay attention these are some of the most expensive and rare jewels  that people yearn for, and DIE for lack of! My gift to you…..blueprint for a funner, happier life , FOR FREE!

1. Simplicity…..estimated value: Good rest, no costly anti-depressants

Balance in life can never be overrated. Perhaps you should start a garden, pickup on an old hobby, or take a class. I always thought simplicity came from staying organized but that’s not the case. A wise man said “there are no lazy people: only those who are sick or uninspired”. So often the clutter and ‘space mis-management’ we exhibit is a result of having no emotional fuel to find simplicity.

This year as I stepped out and started doing more things and trying to add value to myself I see now that I am more prone to get organized and do things that bring about balance in my life. I’m one of those people who cannot sit down to study until his desk is clean. Now as I do more of the things I have always wanted to do I feel more energetic and stay on task with keeping things simple and balanced! I have not totally arrived yet but I would not trade this simplicity for all the tea in china

Checkout: How to Live Simply: Lessons I learned from My Grandparents from Tammy Strobel

Also check out Everette Bogue’s FREE e-book Minimalist Workday: 50 Strategies for Working Less

2. Fame….estimated value: you won’t suck any more!

It may be a little off but in some way or another we are all looking for fame. If you would unwrap yourself from yourself and get devoted to something bigger than yourself, you would gain great influence in the world. Not self-centered jerk fame, but widespread hope infusing smile creating heart warming passion inspiring flame. Get over yourself!

Example: Check out my new friend Joni at Every[1] counts. She has totally devoted herself to serving God in a major way by giving a voice to those who are unheard of. I believe in what she does therefore I am writing about her so that you can read about her…hence, fame! (see all the mentions here!!??? I’m not paid by Joni or anything. She is just a great person on my anti-suck list who I want people to know about)

3. A Board of Directors….estimated value: $657,853.27

The first responsibility of any Board of Directors is to protect and extend  value. A board of directors enhances a business by adding oversight, insight, comparative thoughts, and often times, common sense where it is lacking. I own a business, as do you. My business is called Erik McEntyre, Inc. Your business is called

________(insert your name) Incorporated

To manage this business I have gathered some of the best and brightest to add the greatest value to my endeavors. Allow me to demonstrate:

  1. Scott- 55
  2. Dale-52
  3. Daniel-52
  4. Thom-45
  5. Bernard-47

Total: 250

That’s 250 years of experience, education, mistakes, success, and wisdom THAT I DO NOT HAVE. And guess what? It’s readily available to me. These are the names of the top 5 men in my life. They have the power to hold me accountable, encourage me, rebuke or correct, whatever is needed. You know how I know? I asked them to.

All it takes to build your board is to list the names of those individuals who possess values and skills/talents that you do not have and TELL THEM. Tell them how important they are to you. Share your love for them. Let them know how you feel about them and where you would be without them. Then submit. I love that word. I submit to the authority and presence of each of these great men. Note: I advise using men, if you are a man, for females vice versa.

Where did I get that value from? I made it up.  Low estimate.

4. Education….estimated value: ability to find, sustain, or create a job and freedom!

Without education you have absolutely no power. So get it…for FREE!

Education paradigms in America need to be re-examined. Schools are pretty much becoming factories of manufacturing 9-5 zombies. More and more organizations are realizing that its not always the letters behind someone’s name as much as it is the value and innovation they bring to the table. I plan to be ahead of the curve.

For example, tonight I am going to the library after work. I plan on starting my way thru the Personal MBA Reading list, my thanks to Sean Ogle by the way.  I have a busy schedule and things to do for my daughter for Christmas but if I don’t do it…it wont get done. Make time!

5. Breakfast with someone you love

Simple as it is. It’s the greatest pleasure. This Saturday morning, Christmas, I am looking forward to a rendezvous with a very special woman. My 5 year old, Chloe.

Everyone is welcome to join but she is my special guest. I even found the recipe I’m going to put together: Sausage Breakfast Casserole.

Besides breakfast you should develop the habit of  saying YES to more opportunities  to build healthy relationships and do stuff that you normally don’t do.

If I could sum it up and scream in your face really really loud I would bust your eardrums trying to convince you that you have everything you need in order to conquer 2011 and every other freakin year of your life right at your fingertips! Don’t let money ever keep you back. Money is a tool, BUT NOT THE ONLY TOOL! Your days should be wrapped up in purpose and joy, not sulking and sapping the life out of others with sob stories of how you never had what you want. That’s not what you were created for!

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Are You Smarter than a Comicbook Reader?

Laugh at the thought all you want to but you need to understand that there is something absolutely vital about life that only children typically understand and apply.

It’s simple and will not be very clear at first. I’m sure that when you see what it is you will shrug it off and possibly stop paying attention altogether……and you will miss out on a principle that used by the wealthiest and most successful people in the world! It’s simple: make superfriends! Keep reading…..

Are you smarter than a comic  book reader ? There are 3 Lessons you need to learn NOW!

1. Think like a Superhero!

Use your imagination: X-men, Justice League, Fantastic Four……they all have a few things in common with you.

  • As each superhero found their purpose and mission in life they also discovered a need to ban together for the common good. Even Batman found Robin and occasionally Superman teamed up with the Justice League.  Some things CANNOT be accomplished or defeated alone.
  • All superheroes are unique with specific gifts and talents AND FLAWS! Yep, I know you’ve read a ton of books, pamphlets,and blog posts on purpose-driven-promise-given-zen-habits for a better you today and you’re psyched about how special you are but guess what? For every awesome gift you have there is a flaw tucked away just waiting to be exploited! You have wounds, shortcomings, and deficits that must be managed! 
  • This last one is simple: superheroes have an arch-enemy, you have even more! Perhaps they aren’t bandits dressed in green that fly around on magical surf boards tossing bombs at you but nonetheless they are real. If you are a salesman it’s a competitor with a slight edge on you, or maybe a bad history with a client. Maybe you struggle with clinical depression or have a habit that is eating away at you. For many of us its a nasty habit of stinking-thinking that we were programmed to buy into throughout our life and now we realize that this is the reason why we can’t hold onto money, relationships, or success. Whatever the case, you face opposition in every worthwhile endeavor you’ve been called to do.

When you begin to think like a superhero you will see the need for relationships that provide what you are lacking and likewise. Look at any organization, government, or tycoon. Rather than try to make up for what they don’t have they build alliances that are mutually beneficial. Do you think Donald Trump maintains his millions by simply harnessing the power of his stunning toupe-looking hairdo? Heck no! He has developed the abilitiy to surround himself with those individuals who are capable of doing for him what he cannot do for himself.

 2. You must win friends like a superhero. Don’t expect the people you need to just show up tomorrow and beg to be in your circle.

You must develop a daily habit of adding value to others. Each day i have a habit where I spend 7-9am finding people to sow into with encouragement, accountability, or just companionship. If you didn’t stop and click on the linked phrase that said “win friends” go back and click it now (or just click the highly obvious re-link I just added for you). Read it, bookmark it, and plan your activity to implement it.

I suggest that you get a Mentor– In short,  someone who is where you want to be and wants to see you succed. According to webster’s : a trusted counselor or guide. Find somone that is making an impact in your own life and let them know who they are to you and how they can be more valuable in your relationship. It may sound weird or even selfish but people who provide guidance and show example to others often like to 1. know that they are succeding at impacting someone and 2. be given some clues on how they can do it even better.

3. Act like a superhero

Very important. What do I mean? Who hangs around Superman when he’s Clark Kent? nobody. He’s boring and dull. You might be a Clark Kent too. If you are, Please understand you suck to be around and any cool friends you have will be gone in time. You will lose the best relationships because great alliances are formed on purpose not promise. You need to be doing something now. Pursue your dreams, join a think tank discussion group on linkedin, start the necessary processes, begin your own business. I can’t stand being around people who spend all their time complaining about yesterday and wasting today. Make some key decisions and spend everyday on a mission. Walk around with confidence like a pig  and be the person to change the world!

Read 21 keys to Magnetic Likeability

Read How to Meet Remarkable People When You Live and Work from Anywhere

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Assembly Required: 3 V’s You Must know

Everyone needs a dream team!

I admit it is a comfortable thing to be around people who are like you and agree with you always. BUT if you are to accomplish anything worthwhile in your life you must learn to think and act differently than the Jone’s (btw, the Jones’ went broke in the recession. she left him! )

The Bible is so very accurate when the Proverbs writer said in chapter 11:

“Where no counsel is, the people fall : but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety”

Easily put, safety isn’t necessarily found in intelligence, strength, or even our own strategy. There is a power that comes from assembling the right ‘Board of Directors’ for your life. It’s good to have people who think and act differently than you do, they will prove beneficial because you can’t see everything from every angle, you have not and can not live every experience BUT with the right team you can accomplish much.

Here are 3 V’s you should use as a uncompromising Price of Admission for your inner circle:

1. Values-Do you share the same values and morals? Don’t give yourself a thorn, bad company corrupts good character. People who you trust the most must share a foundation of like value and moral fiber as you do or you may set yourself up for a enemy in the camp.

2. Vision-Friendship is not a train, you are not the engine and everyone else is the carts trailing along. People who have no vision and fire for their own life will only live off of your steam until they can hitch a ride with another. Ask your friends pointed questions: If you had $2,000 what would you do with it? Where can I find you in 5 years? Dig into their heart, if it’s cold and empty…… RUN!

3.Valor– Very important. you should be able to spark one another. Everybody hits dry patches and places in life where they feel afraid and inclined to give up. A good circle of friends is marked by sharpened ’emotional’ value. It’s easier to stand in the face of a storm when you stand with someone else who is determined to see you victorious. Think about it…even Jesus Himself sought a brave soul or two to sit with Him in His moment of pain and distress.

 

There you have it. Get some paper out, list some names, figure out who adds the most value to your life and you likewise. Tell these people who they are to you. Thank them for their contributions and get focused on being purposeful together!

 

Go make a ripple!!

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